Streams of Consciousness

I've been in a funk for the past month or so, and if I want to get past it and get on with my life, I need to write about it.  I'm still angry, and I still miss Annie.  The most annoying month for me is about to start, and if I'm going to get through it without being totally ticked off for the whole month, I need to get it out of my head.  Sometime back in the 90's, at least that's when I started noticing it, the powers that be decided that October should be Breast Cancer Awareness month.  I've tended to ignore it every year up till now just because it always brought it all back up every year, all the stuff about Annie back when I was a teenager and easily freaked about that stuff.  This year it's just so aggravating because she's gone now and that's what took her.  Yes, it was in her liver in the last few years, but she told me that it was secondary.  Yesterday at the store I found myself getting into a mood, because every aisle, every display, every EVERYTHING, was filled with that damned pink ribbon crap for October.  It's just a reminder for me, everywhere I turn, that Annie's not here and I can't have her back, and it's so WRONG.  It shouldn't be like this, but it is, and I wish I didn't have to be confronted by it constantly.  

I know intellectually that Annie would have a fit if she knew I was reacting like this, but I haven't been able to control how I deal with it.  I made a decision that at the beginning of the month, which is in two days, I'm going to get a grip and get my act together again, but I knew I couldn't do that until I wrote at least SOMETHING about it.  I just couldn't figure out what to write until yesterday when I realized that my reaction was a little too intense for the circumstances, then I knew what the problem was.  I'm angry and it's going to take some time, but I'm going to have to deal with it.  I should be used to unfairness by now, I've had enough of it over the years.